Nothing to lose

I own a boutique in Phoenix and I often hear stories that inspire me to write the lines from in between the stories. Then there are those days when I talk to my son or daughters who are all in the medical field and they tell me stories that awaken my awareness to the gift of life. This is one of those stories.

Sullivan Vangough woke up at 6:00 am without an alarm clock every day for the past seventeen years. It had been over three years since Sullivan took an early retirement. But, his mental alarm clock was still working. “Hell, I am even starting to look retired,” Sullivan said to himself as he looked in the mirror at his blonde hair being invaded by speckled gray.  The six pack left him about five years ago when his workout worked itself out of his daily routine. He still ate healthy, thanks to his wife. At fifty-two, Helen had a body to die for. She ran two miles on the beach every morning. As a matter of fact, that was how they found the two-story bungalow they lived in now. Helen drove to the beach every morning, parked her car, ran two miles and swam for thirty minutes for the past twenty-five years. When it became time for Sullivan to take his early retirement she started looking for bungalows along the beach to spend their last days in. Sullivan had been a very good provider. The couple had more money than they could ever spend.  Sullivan decided to retire early after making some very good investments online.

He chooses what to do with his day each day instead of the stock market. If he chooses not to read the paper, or watch the news or soaps all day it’s his decision. Afterall he was retired now, he had plenty of time,  and had nothing to lose.

Breakfast was quickly becoming a meal he preferred to skip. The smell of the boiled eggs was starting to have a nauseating effect on his stomach. Between the evening headaches, the morning nausea Sullivan decided it was time to get a check up. This morning when he woke up his Google calendar alerted him that today was that day.

Between a horrible headache and all the test, he had undergone that day he was definitely feeling a little more than concerned when the doctor’s office called him a week later requesting he come in to discuss the results.

Of course, it was pouring down rain on the day he went to the office to find out that he was about to lose everything.

As he sat across the desk from Dr. Miller he noticed the kleenex box sitting just a little closer to him than her. Dr. Miller was a very composed, yet compassionate doctor. She was tall with light brown skin and a long dark pony tail filled with hundreds of ponytails inside. Her walls were filled with awards and degrees from her many accomplishments in the medical field. But what he admired the most about her decor was the picture she proudly displayed of her life partner and their daughter. Sullivan had once asked her if she felt she could lose patients by openly displaying her lifestyle of being in the same sex marriage on her desk for all to see.

Dr. Miller replied that she was proud of her family. She took more steps than the usual couple to bring life into this world and she never regretted any of the choices she had made. She explained that her professional reputation preceded her and if a patient chose to decline her services that she didn’t take it as a loss. Because when you are accepted for you then you never have anything to loose.

As Dr. Miller turned on the x-ray board and showed Sullivan the tumor growing in his brain his eyes filled with tears. He understood then why the Kleenex had been strategically placed close to him today. He had a river full of tears to loose.

Dr. Miller gave him a printout about the disease and gave him a few minutes to read and digest the facts before she told him there was no cure. She also told him to get his affairs in order as she walked around the desk and reached for his hands.

Glioblastoma is an aggressive type of cancer that can occur in the brain or spinal cord. Glioblastoma forms from cells called astrocytes that support nerve cells.

Glioblastoma can occur at any age but tends to occur more often in older adults. It can cause worsening headaches, nausea, vomiting and seizures.

Glioblastoma, also known as glioblastoma multiforme, can be very difficult to treat and a cure is often not possible. That was the case for Sullivan. He walked into her office a wealthy man and left knowing he was about to lose everything. As Sullivan drove home from the doctor’s office he thought of his beautiful wife and their children. The only thing that gave him solace was knowing he had left her in a good financial position and she would never want for anything. Still, he knew it would be hard for her to live over the next few months watching him die. He was afraid that he would kill her in the process.

Sullivan had always been one to take risks in the stock market and all his financial conquest had been won on the willingness to risk it all for the better good. This was no different. This time instead of having nothing to lose he had already lost everything but a choice to make one final decision.

He decided to follow the instructions of his doctor and get his affairs in order. He had never kept secrets from his wife and this would be no different. He sat on the beach with her that night and shared all the information that Dr. Miller had given him along with the timeline for his death. As they sat on the beach, legs to their chest, back to back, heads turned towards the moon she let out a simple scream. Just one for the man she knew she was about to lose. They spoke in rhythms and pains and then she told him how she would die every day with him as she watched him die. They talked about the way to allow her to live since there was no way to keep him from dying. There was only one life left on the table to loose and they had one choice to save her.

The morning that Sullivan’s wife was born again was a week later. It was also his last day on earth. As Dr.Kivorks entered the room he handed Dr. Miller a court paper approving the planned funeral. She held his wife’s hands and walked out with her because she supported Sullivan’s decision because she knew if ever anyone had the right to kill it was Sullivan.

Now you tell me if Sullivan was #Writeforthekill



Glioblastoma is an aggressive type of cancer that can occur in the brain or spinal cord.

It often starts out with a very bad headache that you can’t get rid of. It causes extreme vomiting and often times seizures occur.

In most cases the only cure is death.



6 thoughts on “Nothing to lose

  1. Omg, thus one made me cry. Cancer runs strong in my family and it hit home. Besides that this was very well written…as always. You’re getting btr and btr with everything u write.


  2. I enjoyed reading this message it was very inspirational, allowing you to understand that you and only you have to make the right choices while your here.


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