It don’t hurt now

People say I complain a lot. I don’t. it’s just that I have been hurt my whole life.  I made up my mind the day that my uncle punched me in the face, and stole my childhood that I didn’t want to live my life in pain.  I was eight years old.

Well, it don’t hurt now…..

***

People say I complain a lot. Well, I don’t. It’s just that people never seem to pay any attention to me. They walk right by me and never even look in my face. I know it’s because I look so plain. I’m not too light skinned. I am not too dark. I never wore all that heavy makeup in college like the other girls did. So, people just walk right on by me and never even give me the time of day. I remember one time at a school even a girl almost ran over me in the parking lot. She never even looked at my face as she rolled on past me. Her side mirror even bumped me. I was walking next to a boy I really liked. I don’t think he even liked me anymore after that. The next year when he bought his BMW, he just rolled right on by. It really hurt me back then.

But it don’t hurt now…….

***

Yeah, people say I complain a lot. I don’t. It’s just that I am always getting ignored. Just once I want someone to look at me when they pass by me. I don’t even care if they roll their eyes or laugh just look at me for Pete’s sake.

When I graduated with my Master’s Degree from Howard I thought things would change. But, the Senior partner at the Law firm that I worked for didn’t acknowledge my skills. He passed right over me and picked a younger man with “More” experience. Dam!!

That really hurt me. Just once I wish I could roll over the feet of these executives the way they have stepped on mine.

So, I went for my Ph.D.!

Huh, it don’t hurt now.

***

The last thing I remember after getting my Ph.D. was the grad party. I drank a whole bottle of Remy Martin with my colleague. I just didn’t want to feel a thing that night. When my sister called me to pick her up she said I sounded funny. She asked if anything was wrong. But I was so happy she needed me I failed to tell her I was too drunk to drive. I didn’t want to sound like I was complaining and all.

That car seems to have come out of nowhere.

*********

When the nurse came into my room today to tell me goodbye, she looked me in the eye with such sorrow. Not because I was leaving. Rather she felt so sorry for me. She had worked with me for almost a year teaching me how to operate my air controlled chair. It was hard to learn how to operate a wheelchair by breathing in a tube. But I don’t complain.  I can’t. I lost my voice the day of the accident.

As I rolled on by the staff at the hospital I saw the executive that had passed me up for the promotion that year. I accidentally rolled over his feet and he dropped a vase of flowers he had for his wife on my legs.

He looked at me in my eyes for the first time. At first, he thought he had hurt me. The nurse said she is ok. She is paralyzed from the neck down. She didn’t feel a thing.

No, it doesn’t hurt now…….

***

People look at me now. Although they try not to. And I am always rolling over people. By accident. My wish came true. And that does hurt now…..

Be careful what you wish for. Sometimes we make ourselves write for the kill.